A monster that lurks inside me said I’m trying hard. She said it in a way that has kind of made me look down on myself and ask, “Am I really?”. Negative thoughts started occupying my mind like it was the perfect opportunity to ruin me.
This monster, it’s actually helpful at times. She has been my number one audience and critic. Since I’d found out about her existence, I’ve never been more conscious about my actions. She’s like my virtual action monitor. But apparently, she has gone beyond her function. Not only does she monitor my actions, she also has started judging my choices.
Lately, I’ve decided to venture into something that’s not really in line with my cups of tea, just because I believe in the proverb which says where there is a will, there is a way. I really don’t only want to learn this thing but also become good at it, though I don’t have the passion. However, this monster, just spilt the most harsh phrase it has ever said. Normally, I would just ignore, but this time, I just couldn’t help myself. I got fed up.
“So what now if I’m trying hard and I look like a loser? Does it make me less of a person? Would you rather see me not learning something new? But yes, I admit it. I am trying hard or should I say I am “a trying hard person”. I am because I have a goal to achieve. If I look awkward, it’s fine with me. Now, is that a problem?”
I must have left her speechless. She was at a loss for word at what I said.
*We all have that monster in us that criticizes us upfront. It is like the toxic people in our lives. But how it affects us depends on what we permit.