I have been single for two years now and so far, it has been good and I’m enjoying it. I get to focus more on discovering and creating myself. I get to show more how I appreciate my family, friends and workmates. I wouldn’t really be sad if what happened in high school happens again — no boyfriend for four years (not like it was even right to have a boyfriend then. But well, my classmates and schoolmates had.) However, there are some emotions that I feel each time I see sweet couples, when I hear someone is talking on the phone with their lover, and when I see women who are spoiled with love by their lovers. Insecurities fill me each time that I tend to wish I had someone. I tend to feel miserable.
Despite these bothersome emotions, I stay single because I believe it is the best idea. To me, these emotions are just temporary ones or at least that’s how I cosider them. I would rather be single than be in a fake or wrong relationship. To be honest, I don’t believe I still deserve to be with any guy. I think getting myself involved with anyone is not a good idea. I look at myself now like a damaged girl because in the past, I would let myself fall easily for the guys who would show me care. I would let them take advantage of me. I was too nice and too naive. It was sad because it had taken me a couple of mistakes before I realized that I should start standing for myself, but when I did, I also made a decision to stay single while necessary or forever if no one will come. I really thought being genuine, nice, and understanding begets true love.
Although, I don’t believe I deserve to get married or have a family, somehow, I hope someone will come and tell me my past has nothing to do with my future, because honestly I wouldn’t want to stay alone for the rest of my life. I want to be single only for the meantime. I don’t know, though, what to do to be deserving again, but I hope someone genuine and sincere will accept me, even when such thing mostly happens only in series and movies.